Shut Down
by Late-Sleeper-sama
Summary: A rejection pulled Hanamichi to crawl into his own world leaving all those who loved him to regret not showing their feelings...slight Hana-uke fic


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SHUT DOWN

By: Late-Sleeper

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…they didn't even gave me YASUDA!!!

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The wind rustled gently as it took some leaves with it that dance around the whole cemetery. The wind sung its lullaby like a mother singing to her lovely dear child whose sleeping soundly…but in these particular moment the child would never wake up…forever be sleeping.

The sun was at its peak but the whole crowd didn't mind. The whole Shohoku team was there, bidding their last goodbye to their teammate… no not just a teammate…he was a friend, a joker, the mood-shifter of the team but most of all the most precious boy they have learn to love.

'You'll never know how much a person means to you unless he's gone…' Sad but true.

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"The greatest weakness of most humans

Is their hesitancy to tell others,

How much they love them

While they're alive.

by O.A. Battista "

Sniffle could be heard escaping from all the tough guys of the Shohoku team. Even the ferocious Gori shed a tear or two as a sad melodiously song hum through the burial ceremony. Even the tough-slash-ex-gang-leader Mitsui was wailing before the ceremony began as Miyagi was trying to calm him down and convincing him, not to mention himself, that Hanamichi was now happy.

Happy…is he? Miyagi didn't want the answer. It might hurt like hell if the answer was indeed a yes…but neither did he want his friend to be lonely at the afterlife.

Ayako was still space-out as tears well up on her eyes. She still couldn't take the fact that the boy that made her whole world upside down was lying down on a coffin…

Even the team from Ryonan was there. Sendoh particularly was beside the coffin touching it once in a while as he try to hold back the tears that was meant for the redhead only…

Only to the redhead that was inside the coffin like Snow White waiting to be kissed…he almost wanted to do it hoping that fairy tales do still come true.

Kainan team was also there. Even the wild monkey was sniffing as he watched the whole scene unfold in front of him. He couldn't believe that the red monkey was gone. Gone…but why now? Now that he's beginning to like him…to respect him.

Maki, Fujima and Hanagata have the same thought: why him…why Hanamichi? How could God take someone, the _only one_ that caught their full attention. They were regretting the opportunity they have wasted to befriend the redhead. They felt furious that they didn't have the guts to tell him what he is to them…

Regret, loneliness, enraged these are all the emotion circling the whole crowd.

But most of all they are feel so lost…

Youhei hugged the coffin furiously as it was gently lowered down. He was crying Hanamichi's name furiously. 'If it weren't for her…if they haven't met her…if only…if only this didn't happen at all…'

**__**

FLASHBACK

'She rejected me…she's the 51st girl that rejected me…'

Almost all the streets are now deserted when the clock strike nine in the evening. The wind blew restlessly as though sympathizing with the person with teary brown eyes. Some dogs where howling from a distance covering the soft sob that escaped from the lips of a confused child.

It's so ironic that in the middle of summer a wind started blowing furiously, making shivering colds run through the whole body of Hanamichi. Funny he never felt such coldness ever before, not even in winter…but why now?

Cold…alone…helpless…empty! That's what he is. He wanted to ask someone in heaven on what did he do to deserve all the punishment that is being bestowed on him.

He never saw his mother…the poor thing died when he was born. He never felt to be cherished, to be loved, to play with, never been kiss by those adoring lips that would assure him that all would be OK when he woke up from the nightmares of the night.

Never would he see the smile that would be given to him when he did something nice, when he first walk, the first talk, the graduation…never! But most of all he would never now what is feel like to be hug by a mother with no reason at all. Never!

But life must go on. There is still otosan, life would still continue.

He did everything to fill his mother's position. He made him feel that the family is still complete. He stood by him in all his joys, pains, laughters and misery. He was there…in everything…but that was then.

Before that painful death. Death.

__

Death was inevitable…so they say.

The last string was broken…should he keep on holding to the life that seems to be wrecking his whole being? Should he continue? What for? It had already taken away everything, why don't it take the only thing left…his life.

__

The hardest part in our life is living…

Devotion.

Basketball…he was now devoting his whole life to it. But…but others didn't seem to care. To them he was just an amateur. A lowly kid who was just bragging…a shit that stained the name of the team. How many times did he heard those mockery…from the Rukawa's brigade, to the other team's coaches, players, audience, and his own teammates…

He didn't paid heed to all those ridicule. He loved the game…but is it enough to keep him from the game? He loved the game, but the game doesn't love him.

It hurt! The mock he always receive hurts like hell…it cuts through the skin and seep into his tissues…then if that is not enough salt would be put into it making the pain unbearable…

Smile…just hid it with a smile. Boasts if you want, just don't show it, show the pain you are feeling inside. Sooner or later they would accept you. But…would they?

But there is still hope. When there's still hope life could be much easier.

Hope? Yes hope. Hmm…Haruko! She came into Hanamichi's life like the sun after the night; a rainbow after the storm. Life would go on…

'I thought she would be the one. My hope. It's… Gone.' A tear dropped from his eyes. Trickled down his cheeks and absorbed by his lips.

A sound of a water dripping could be heard…then all was black.

"NYAHAHAHAHA!! YOUR CURSE HAD BEGAN AGAIN HANAMICHI. HARUKO IS THE FIRST ONE IN YOUR HIGHSCHOOL LIFE."

"Congratulation!!!"

The gundan was laughing and popping out confetti to the redhead tensai who was just rejected a while ago by the sister of the captain of the basketball team.

They where secretly hiding behind the bushes when the redhead proposed…all was betting that Hanamichi would be rejected for the 51st time.

As soon as they heard the word "NO" the gundan suddenly uncover from there hiding place popping out confetti and blowing some horn to congratulate their fiery friend. The friend they didn't notice that was in verge of tears.

And now they are here on the deserted streets, back to their respective home still laughing and singing…never noticing that the celebrant was already trailing behind them.

Youhei felt something was wrong…no head butt, no punch, no nothing….

Not even Hanamichi's presence.

Hanamichi?

Youhei looked over his shoulder to look for his bestfriend. He felt guilt started crawling up when he saw the slow dejected stride of his friend…being a nice friend that he is, he walked back towards him to console him a little bit.

One step. Two. Three. Something's wrong. Four. Hanamichi? Five. Six. Hana?

Blank.

His eyes. No life.

"Baka Hanamichi. Don't space out." Youhei run towards his friend in top speed. His instinct is telling him something is not right.

"Oi wake up. Wake up. Don't…don't scare me Hana…mi..chi." Youhei shook his friend forcefully intending to wake Hanamichi with whatever strength he could. Better having a steaming lump on the head than losing his best friend.

'…wait losing? What am I saying? Hanamichi is still here. He would never go anywhere.' He was trying to assure himself that the fear he was feeling has no basis, never true, and never will be true…right?

"HANAMICHI!!!BAKA WAKE UP!"

"Youhei what happened?" Takamiya looked back on the two who was standing a few meters away from them. He could see worry written all over Youhei's face making shiver run down to his body.

"CALL AN AMBULANCE PLEASE. Hanamichi hold on…" Youhei laid Hanamichi's unresponsive body down on the ground. He held on Hanamichi's hand that was turning dead cold…in the middle of a hot summer.

"His mind shut down. He already builds up a world of his own. It happens when one undergoes a traumatic incident. The mind shuts down to keep out the pain." The doctor looked at the four looking gangsters in front of him with much sympathy.

"There's still hope, right? right doc?" Youhei looked anxiously at the elderly man. But the man just silently nod at him. Youhei felt very uneasy with the doctor's response.

"…only if wanted to comeback to his real world. Back to reality"

"What if he never…NO…Hanamichi would eventually snapped out of it. He would." Youhei looked at the gundan confidently… and the gundan almost wanted to believe him; that is until that a tear started rolling down his cheeks and ruining the whole act.

"I must go now." The doctor nodded to the gundan and Youhei. "Mrs. Mito." The doctor approached Mito-san who just nod and escorted the doctor out of the door leaving the four friends with their still unresponsive friend on the bed.

When the two was out of hearing the tears that the gundan was trying to control well up from their eyes.

"Baka. Baka. BAKA. BAKA. BAKA HANAMICHI!!! YOU"RE A COWARD!!! You just been rejected and suddenly you crawled back to your own shell. BAKA! Don't just lie there feeling so helpless and vulnerable…" Youhei strode to the side of the bed and shouted angrily at his unconscious best friend.

"…there are many people who's more helpless than you…but…they are still trying to live! They are still holding to the last hope just to live…to survive…AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A TENSAI!!" Youhei clenched his fist to his side trying to control the angry that is fast controlling him.

"There are more people who's weak…who are defending on you…who want you…who need you….

…we need you. I NEED YOU!"

Youhei suddenly collapsed on his knees clutching the side of the bed. Tears started trickling down his cheeks. He didn't care if the gundan was still there to witness his weakness. But he didn't care. He didn't care about anything. Anything…except the friend that was on the edge of nothingness.

The gundan just cringe at the sight of their lamenting friend. They felt very uneasy at the scene that gradually unfolding in front of them…helplessness, that's what they are feeling…confusion.

Youhei hastily grab Hanamichi's hand.

"I need you." The words were almost inaudible.

" Are we not enough? Are we not enough reason to make you continue living? Couldn't we be your hope…?

…am I not enough…am I not enough reason to keep your existence?"

Youhei eyes started blurring his sight the already vision that remain on his sight is a speck of red.

"Where am I?" Hanamichi looked around him trying to remember where he is.

The sight that welcomed him was so magnificent that his mouth had dropped a little. The ground he was standing on is full of flowers. Birds are chirping on the branch of trees making a beautiful melody that echoed through his ears. The clouds slowly move across the sky as the wind blew with a hush.

For Hanamichi it was a sheer heaven…the place was illustration of heaven. The only missing are angels flying around him. The angel he didn't know that was him!

"Hana. Hana. Hana" a soft female voice suddenly called out. The voice…he never heard it before but he felt it was familiar.

He looked from side to side. 'That voice…'

" Hana. Hana."

"Where are you? Why are you calling me?" Hanamichi asked the air around him when suddenly an illusion materialized in front of him.

The illusion revealed a woman on her mid-twenties, a smile could be seen across her face and was directed to Hanamichi. Hanamichi couldn't help but smile at the lady…the same exact smile the lady was wearing.

Upon seeing Hanamichi's smile the woman opened her arms "Come here my baby." A tear started rolling down her cheeks as she waited for Hanamichi's advancement.

He didn't know what came over him but he felt hypnotized by the woman's gesture and couldn't help himself but to run towards her waiting arms. He felt the woman's arm encircled around him as he buried his face on the woman's chest and felt the warmth her body is emitting.

That warmth…it's the same warmth he felt in all his dreams…the dream where his mother was hugging him.

"Mama." He tightened his grip on the woman's body. He was trying hard to suppress the tears that wanted to escaped from his eyes but when he felt the woman's lips on his semi-bald head, tears started rolling down his eyes soaking the woman's dress.

"Mama…why did you left me?"

"Hush now my little one…don't be sad." Her hand started caressing his head, making shiver run down to Hanamichi's body. "Hush now baby don't you cry…ma..ma…wou..would…buy" Hanamichi's mother started singing softly while she herself was trying to control her emotion upon hugging her dear son. Her voice softly humming through the air as Hanamichi was put on a deep slumber.

" My dear baby."

"WHERE"S THAT BAKA SAKURAGI?!?!" Akagi bellowed that echoed to the entire gym making all the other cringe with terror…and pity for the object of Akagi's fury.

"maa…maa…Akagi I think that Sakuragi-kun is ill." Kogure tried pacifying the angry gorilla.

"Ano…Akagi sempai…the gundan was here a while ago and said that Sakuragi Hanamichi was indeed ill. I think he's at home right now." Ayako suddenly butted in. "Haruko do you anything about it? You where spotted yesterday with Sakuragi, right?"

Haruko's eyes enlarges upon hearing the news of Hanamichi's illness. Sign of guilt crossed from her face making a tinge of blushed from her cheeks. "Ah sorry but I really don't know what happened…sorry."

Ayako looked at Haruko with puzzlement. "Didn't the gundan told you anything?"

"Ano…no. I think that the gundan were avoiding me. And I couldn't find Youhei…" Haruko bowed down her head trying to hide the guilt that was starting to paint all over her face.

Ayako looked at Haruko with sympathy but she felt more sorry for the missing redhead. "He already told you." Her words seem more of a statement than a question that made tears started welling up on Haruko's eyes.

"THAT BAKA." Akagi shook his head but annoyance but he cannot hide the worried look that gnawing on his face. Kogure instantly saw this and smiled slightly at Akagi's reaction.

"Why not we visit him?" Kogure punched his open palm as an idea suddenly hit him.

"Right! We may not know it but, maybe that baka is just trying to avoid the practice." Akagi's sudden agreement made the other players looked at him with puzzlement. But Kogure knew better…Akagi is worried at Sakuragi's wellbeing…he may admit it or not.

"do'aho" Rukawa sighed almost inaudible.

"Hanamichi…do you remember…when we were little kids…

…we used to sing a song…do you remember?" Youhei lay beside the still unconscious friend.

" We always sang it when we're alone, remember?"

Youhei put his an arm around Hanamichi making the redhead's head rest on it while the other one was gently caressing the hand of Hanamichi. Youhei moved even more closer and leaning his head on his best friend's head. They lay there from some seconds as Youhei savored the warmth of Hanamichi body beside him.

"mmm….I thought no one care no one thinks of me. I felt lonely when no one comforted me. When you came along…"

Youhei softly sang while remembering their childhood days… the days when he and the redhead were playing. Images of a happy Hanamichi started running across his head, making surge of emotion rushing inside him.

"…I feel then I belong, my friend you promised me I never be alone. So I made this…this song…listened to my…my"

A sniffed suddenly escaped from his lips and with a snap of a finger, tears started to flow. He felt his emotion started gnawing on him making him stutter on the lyrics of the song.

"…my call…live and ho…hope…just f..for…you."

he held Hanamichi tighter as he let his emotion dominate him.

"…just for you.."

"Mama? Who's singing? He sounds lonely mama?" Hanamichi looked up to his mother as laid his head on his mother's lap.

" That's Youhei-kun Hana…he's your best friend." She gently smiled at her son while caressing his head.

"But why is he crying?" he childishly asked looking at his mother with pure innocence.

"Because he misses you…my dear child."

"Does he loved me?"

"Yes my son he loves you, like me and your papa. We all loved you."

"Am I that lovable mama?"

"Yes my darling you are lovable."

The wind blew gently making the scent of flowers scattered all over the place.

" I thought…no..no..o..ne cared…no one..thi..thinks of me…" The voice came out again making soft murmur on Hanamichi's ear. The song started clouding on his mind and making tears rolled down his cheek without him knowing why.

"Thinks…of me…I feel lonely when...." Hanamichi started singing along with the voice making tears poured down his eyes.

"Where is he mama?"

"There on across that black wall." She hesistantly pointed at a mysterious black wall that seems to be too out of place on the paradise they where on.

"I wanna see him mama."

Youhei just hummed the whole song as tried to suppress his tears from falling down again. He was so absorbed on his thoughts that he didn't felt a slight dampening of his shirt.

"He's crying." Youhei suddenly snapped back to reality at his mother's outburst and with a flash he stared at his friend who was indeed crying…crying unconsciously.

Hanamichi was still expressionless, eyes still blank and no sign of life. But tears are flowing from his vacant eyes. There's still hope…his still living…he could still react.

"I'll call the doctor right away!" And with a flash his mother walked out the door hurriedly and Youhei could almost hear the abrupt dialing of the doctor's number on the nearby telephone.

"Don't worry Hana you'll come back. We're gonna make sure you'll come back to us…"

"He's still responding. There is still hope." The doctor straightened up after looking at the redhead. After a small talk and instruction the doctor left with Youhei' mother trailing behind.

Youhei hugged his best friend tighter. He could now felt the warmth Hanamichi is emitting…he's gonna live. He's coming back.

An hour had passed before the gundan came back from school.

Youhei told them what happened a while ago and they almost shed tears of absolute happiness when they heard that there is still chance…chance to be with Hanamichi.

Hanamichi…the one they would willingly gamble their life for. The naïve, innocent baby they were always protecting. Their prince…their god…their angel.

Loud knocks suddenly snapped their peaceful solitude.

Takamiya went down and opened the door and was shocked to see the main players of Shohoku at Hanamichi's doorstep. He almost wanted to slammed the door closed if not for the fact that Gori was already making his way in.

Takamiya just stood quietly as the whole batch entered Hanamichi's abode. He didn't want the team to be here. Hell…he didn't want to share Hanamichi's time—hopefully not the last remaining time.

They are the ones that took their friends attention…his whole interest. Hanamichi may admit it or not but he become devoted to the team, to the basketball, to his teammates…not only because of Haruko.

Haruko…the name felt bitter on Takamiya's lips. He looked at the whole team again with menacing eyes. They are here…here with the brother of that…that girl. Why are they here? Are they gonna take away our Hanamichi? They already have. So why don't they give them time to be with him? Why do they have to take Hanamichi away…and why do they have to treat Hanamichi as though he was nothing but in reality he is our everything. Why?

'Why do others disregard the people we always dream of…'

"Where's that baka…I mean Sakuragi?" Mitsui asked teasingly snapping Takamiya back to reality. He only gave Mitsui a threatening glare with his out burst. Mitsui felt tension growing inside the room as Takamiya look at him maliciously.

"Oh are you Hanamichi-kun's friends?" Mrs Mito suddenly entered the door surprising the whole team and also Takamiya. Mito-san smiled at the new comers warmly but sadness still evident on her loving eyes.

Akagi wasn't oblivious with the grief the woman is hiding with her cheery smile. He felt guilt running through him because of thinking-ill about Sakuragi "Sakuragi-san…we are here to visit Sak…Hanamichi."

"Ah no no. I'm not Hanamichi-kun's mother. I'm Mrs. Mito. Mother of Youhei." Mito-san bow down apologetically at the big lad in front of him. "But Hanamichi-kun is not…couldn't possibly entertained you."

"That's ok we're gonna wait till he woke up."

"If he ever…" Takamiya hissed taking the whole team's attention towards him.

Akagi looked back at Mito-san. When their gazes met Mito-san abruptly averted her gazed. In some micro-seconds their gaze met Akagi saw pain strike on her eyes then it was gone.

"What do you mean?" Ayako suddenly stood up making the whole tension risen up some more. She looked at Mito-san and Takamiya pleadingly to answer her…to confirm to her that nothing is wrong. That it is just a minor illness…but the silence was enough answer of disappointment.

"He shut down." Noma emerge from the stair shocking the whole company including Takamiya. "You could go now…you couldn't do anything. And when you come home…please tell your sister thank you." Noma's last words were sounded sarcastically clear that the whole team almost felt the sharpness of it.

"Wait a minute…are blaming my sister?" Akagi barked at the newcomer when the later mentioned his sister offensively.

Noma and Takamiya just look at each other and shrugged deliberately ignoring Akagi's question.

Akagi almost rushed to the two to give them a piece of their mind when Kogure and the rest of the visitor grab him stopping him on his track.

"Stop it." A crisp voice suddenly called out…the voice came from the only person that didn't join on the stupid fuss. The only one that was silent the whole time…someone that is Rukawa Kaede.

Everyone stared at Rukawa who was staring at them intently with jaws set with determination.

"I'm going to see him."

"You can't go there baka Rukawa…you…you're the one that cause all his misery." Noma spread his arms wide stopping Rukawa on his track.

"Move." Noma felt so hypnotized as his gaze falls on Rukawa's determine expression. He felt his knees would give way as he move and give way to Rukawa. 'His eyes…I've seen those eyes…Youhei! Like Youhei's pained eyes, but…but why?'

Youhei was so oblivious on what was happening downstairs as he hugged the still unconscious Hanamichi. He was on the verge of tears when the door suddenly opened revealing….

"Rukawa?!" Youhei bolted up taking Hanamichi with him. He was surprised to see the least expected person here at Hanamichi's sanctuary.

Sanctuary…the only place where Hanamichi could nurture his wounds. A place where he belong…somewhere pure…but now tainted by the vile presence of Rukawa. That loathsome Rukawa…but his eyes…why is he wearing that same expression…our expression! Expression full of pity, concern…and there is more…love!?

As Rukawa saw the pitiful state of Hanamichi the only thing that came up to his mind is to hug him. He felt that his whole heart possessed him, his mind suddenly shut down he could only feel emotion dominating his whole being. One thought…just one thought…to tell him how much he loved him.

"Don't! Stay away. Don't you dare lay a finger on him." Youhei stood up spreading his arm protectively in front of Hanamichi.

Rukawa stride forward not minding Youhei's deadly glare that was focused to him…only to him. But Rukawa was oblivious to his surrounding and the only sight he was seeing is the redhead that was lying like a beautiful prince on the bed. He passed Youhei bumping on him on the process but he didn't mind…the only thing that matters is to hug him! Hug Hanamichi.

"Hana. Hana can you hear me? Hana?" Rukawa leaned down on Hanamichi, face almost touching each other. "Hana."

"Hana."

"Hana."

Hanamichi look from side to side looking for the source of the voice. "Mama…who's that? Who's that calling me?"

"Shhhh…" Hanamichi's mother hushed her trembling child as she caressed Hanamichi's forehead, brushing slightly the hair from his forehead.

"Mama. Make it stop. Please make it stop. It's hurting me mama. Please make it stop…" Hanamichi sob as he put his head closer to his mother's body. He felt the sound of the voice started to pain him…felt like his head is breaking.

"Sakuragi-kun" "Sakuragi Hanamichi" "Sakuragi" "Sakuragi" The whole bunch called out at Hanamichi almost all at the same time. Worry was written all-over their face as they saw his feeble body on the bed.

"Sakuragi"

"Sakuragi"

"Mama…make it stop! Those voices…it hurts!" Hanamichi cried and hugged his mother tightly.

"Hana…" His mother hugged him closer caressing his back soothingly. Tears started pouring down on her cheeks. "Do you really want to, Hana?"

"Mama please make it stop!!!"

Mrs. Sakuragi leaned and kissed Hanamichi's head.

He felt the pained suddenly gone…he felt the pain gone and so all his senses. The only thing he could feel is his mother's tight embraced on him…

Then all seems white….

"Sorry he's gone. We can't do anything. He's eyes are no longer responding."

"NO LONGER RESPONDING" The words of the doctor on Rukawa's mind. And as the word sink in his brain he felt his knees giving way.

"NOOOO!!! HE'S STILL ALIVE!" Youhei strode towards the doctor and grab him by the collar. "He's not dead. Say it! Say that you were just joking." Youhei shook the doctor violently.

"DEAD!" The word felt sour on Rukawa's lips. A small wicked smirk formed on his lips as he stared at Hanamichi. DEAD! The only thing that he loved, DEAD!

The only thing that made his dull life worthwhile…DEAD! The only string of Hope he was trying to cling on…

Ironic isn't it!

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Owari

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§ SiDe LiNe§

Late-Sleeper: Crap. Stupid. Lame excuse for a fic! And I didn't even make you cry sigh 

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Late-Sleeper: Well the point is…LOVE Hanamichi…if you don't want him I'll gladly have him.

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Late-Sleeper: LOVE LOVE HANAMICHI! waves banner 


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